April: i don’t think I can watch it.
Millie: that has got to be one of the most disturbing things ever made.
Millie: yeah, you might not be able to handle it.
Millie: i mean, i think ET is horrifying as you know
Millie: and even if ET IS NOW A GIRL GETTING FUCKED IN THE ASS
Millie: also, some girl goes down on ET.
Millie: also, ET finger bangs herself
Millie: and then puts her hand in her mouth
April: HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Millie: AND OH MY GOD WHY AM I SAYING THESE THINGS
April: i will never watch that.
April: i can’t deal.
Millie: I FEEL WRONG SAYING THESE THINGS
Millie: also why the fuck is ABE LINCOLN in it?
Millie: any ideas?
Millie: abe lincoln also fucks ET in the ass
Millie: I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST TYPED THAT SENTENCE
April: I AM CRYING
Millie: not even in my wildest LSD dreams would i think of writing that sentence
April: i can’t watch it.
Millie: you basically cannot
Millie: you will be SCANDALIZED
April: what you are saying sounds scarier than watching my family be murdered in front of my face.
Millie: you’ll be hit hard, i know it, because you’re on ET’s side
Millie: "he made their bikes fly" and things
Millie: you can’t watch this
Millie: if you have any ounce of respect for ET, it will be gone.
April: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA I’LL BE ON HIS SIDE!!!!!!
April: TEAM E.T.
Millie: ET does even look like she’s (?!?!) enjoying it either
Millie: like all that backdoor action and nothing
Millie: also this southern belle lady (??) frenches ET
Millie: are you fucking kidding me?!
April: GOD, how long is the thing? the ET PORN?
Millie: it’s only like two mins or so
Millie: i feel like it’s the best of?
Millie: GREATEST HITS
April: CHOICE CUTS
Millie: also they don’t show penetraish or anything THANK GOD
Millie: but it’s almost like, what you DON’T see is worse
April: is girl e.t. (?) trying to give SEXY LOOKS?
Millie: HAHA there’s just like ONE LOOK!
Millie: it looks STUNNED if anything
Millie: like “holy crap, i’m getting fucked in the ass right now?!”
April: “BY ABE LINKS?!”
Millie: for the life of me i can’t figure out HOW abe lincoln plays into this
Millie: unless time travel is involved
April: hey, he’s gotta GET SOME too
Millie: you know what? putting boobs on ET changes NOTHING about how wrong and creepy it is
April: well, if anything, makes it WORSE
Millie: like i suddenly didn’t go, “oh. i get it now.”
Millie: also i beeelieve it has a tiny vagina.
Millie: which is so beyond fucked up i can’t even deal
Millie: there really needs to be a law
Millie: just draft one, put it in the house and senate and see what happens
Millie: STOP MAKING THESE CARTOON KID THINGS SEXY
April: again, who is SO BORED by regular sex that they have to go THIS FAR OUT with it?!
Millie: to me it’s like, how long have you been in the game that way to where the stakes get upped to THAT SHIT
Millie: like you had to go past a ton of other WEIRD SHIT to get to that?
Millie: and also, just because you might have gotten some weird boner as a kid at chuck e. cheese, doesn’t mean you should MAKE THAT A REAL SEX THING later
April: like are you just fucking 10 different people A DAY for, like YEARS? to be like, “YAWN, this is boring now. i wish i could fuck wile e. coyote instead.”
Millie: like, fuck this. have some impluse control.
Millie: some of this will eventually be impossible, i hope they realize this
April: it’s so official now that NOTHING IS SACRED
April: like, think of ANYTHING or ANYONE and someone is fucking it/them on the internet somewhere.
April: the end.
Millie: like you can’t fuck a minotaur. you gotta get used to it.
Millie: yeah!! remember we used to say that PRE INTERNET
April: “GET USED TO IT.”
Millie: like we used to go “think of the most fucked up shit and someone has a boner about it right now”
Millie: like put slips of paper in three hats, pull them at random, and someone on earth wants to fuck THAT
Millie: it’s like the internet just proves that we were right
Millie: WITH VIDEO
April: POODLE TAP DANCING IN A LIFE RAFT
Millie: right!! and someone needs to THINK OF THAT in order to get off
April: honestly, i kind of never thought i’d hear the phrase “ET PORN” though.
April: i mean, i guess because he is the LEAST APPEALING FAKE CHARACTER
Millie: it’s like look, if i see feivel from “an american tale” sucking dick, it’s over
Millie: i’m moving to space
April: i GAR-RON-FUCKING-TEE you that is on the internet. period point blank.
Millie: and i kinda want to google that to confirm but i swear to god the minute i do the FBI will bust down my front door
Millie: just for being WEIRD and GROSS
April: “ma’am, you’re under arrest for being TOO CREEPY.”
Millie: like 20 g-men just shooting at me