New Perspective On Shit

Millie: how about i was just standing next to alec motherfuckin’ baldwin.
Millie: how about that shit.
April: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH RIGHT NOWWWWWWWW
April: CAMPHONE PIXXXX?
April: SNEAKY CAMPHONE PIX?
April: does he look good in person?
April: does he smell like BRUT?
April: like a MAN?
Millie: dude. motherfucker COMMANDS.
Millie: that’s all you need to know.
April: OH MAN
April: he’s a MAN’S MAN
April: did you MEET him? like properly?
Millie: like, that guy has the BOOK WRITTEN on being presidental.
April: GOD I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU RIGHT NOW I COULD EXPLODE
Millie: no, i didn’t like shake his hand or anything because i was too scared
April: whatever! he would just try to SEDUCE YOU
Millie: seriously. kind of like the most ROYAL person ever.
Millie: I KNOW MAN.
April: i feel like he could seduce any woman in a 50-mile radius
Millie: i was like “he’s going to fucking hypnotize me.”
April: he COULD!
April: OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD
April: i can’t believe this just happened!
Millie: i was sort of standing in this circle with him and he gave me a look.
April: WHAT DID HE SMELL LIKE I WANT TO KNOW
Millie: that’s all i needed
April: also, how tall is he?
Millie: like i’m sure i was like wallpaper to him but i don’t care
April: NOT SHORT, right?
Millie: NO, he’s not short
April: THANK YOU JESUS
Millie: but i just thought he’d be 45 feet tall
April: did his blue eyes burn a hole through your soul?
Millie: i mean, he’s probably average dude height
April: like six feet at least?
Millie: uh, his SUIT burned through my soul.
Millie: his.
Millie: fucking.
Millie: suit.
Millie: man.
April: OH GOD
April: i am going to have to rub one out at work with this talk.
April: DESCRIBE THAT SHIT NOW
Millie: okay
Millie: it’s dark grey
Millie: can’t remember the tie
Millie: burgundy maybe?
Millie: i can’t remember
Millie: i’m assuming your pause means you’re wacking it
April: uh pretty much
April: like i’m TRYING NOT TO
Millie: listen man
Millie: that dude should go into politics or something
Millie: i’m serious
April: i think he might? or has said he wanted to?
Millie: too bad i can’t go down and ASK HIM ABOUT THAT right now as he’s eating chicken
Millie: (they’re on lunch now)
April: GO JOIN THEM!
April: WHY DID YOU LEAVE?!
April: SIT ON HIS LAP!
Millie: dude, EVERYONE is on his jock
Millie: he’s got a crew
April: JOIN THAT CREW
April: RIDE THEM COATTAILS
April: THEM FINE-ASS COATTAILS
Millie: his presidental entourage
April: i can’t believe you were just in the same room as that guy.
April: that’s like being in the same room as james bond or some shit.
April: WHO is suaver than that dude?!
April: NO ONE.
Millie: i’m going to break out my ruler to see how far i was away from him
April: HAHAHA DO IT
Millie: hold please
April: SAME ROOM is enough though!
Millie: okay, maybe three feet?
Millie: a good three
April: ARM’S LENGTH
Millie: basically
April: listen
April: i would have asked for his number
April: i mean, WHY NOT?
April: NOTHING TO LOSE
Millie: HAHAHAHAHAHA
April: i’d still, like, BRAG about it if i got dissed
April: “yeah, alec baldwin turned me down”
Millie: well yeah. if you’re gonna get dissed, at least get dissed by the finest.
Millie: that’s probably a good idea actually — totally raises the bar for future rejection
Millie: but i am CERTAIN i would be fired if i asked him out
April: RIGHT? then if some normal dude gives you the fade, it’s like, “WHO THE FUCK CARES? you ain’t shit. ALEC BALDWIN dissed this first!”
April: listen, WORTH losing your job.
April: TAKE THAT RISK
Millie: “my life was ruined all because i asked alec baldwin for his phone number.”
April: HAHAHAHAHA
April: “i am homeless and penniless because i lost my job and my house after asking for alec baldwin’s digits”
Millie: i just can’t get over how INTENSITY in ten cities he is
Millie: like he has a PRESENCE
April: well, YEAH
April: oh totally
April: dude has a FORCEFIELD
Millie: i think the suit had only exacerbated it
April: yeah
Millie: he came IN as jack donaghy
April: he is so Old School Man
April: like i feel like i SHOULDN’T like him
April: it’s weird
April: his political stance is on point
April: like he’s all liberal and all pro-gays and pro-women’s rights and shit
April: but seems like a lost member of the rat pack secretly?
April: like he eats steaks and drinks whiskey and wants to bend his secretary over his knee when she fucks up
Millie: yeah. he’s a pussy killer alright.
Millie: he totally seems like an old actor in that way
Millie: old hollywood i mean
April: oh absolutely
Millie: like robert fucking mitchum or something
April: yes!
Millie: yeah, it’s kind of AMAZING
April: man
April: i hope you see him again today
April: SLIP HIM YOUR ROOM KEY
Millie: he’s here tomorrow too
April: OH SHIT
April: get in on that!
April: POWER LUNCH
Millie: i didn’t even want to talk to him - i just wanted to be AROUND HIM
April: oh sure
April: totally
April: man, you’ve GOT to get a picture with that fine piece
April: how was his hair?
Millie: great hair
Millie: going grey, how we like it
April: right right
April: but thick and shit? freshly buzzed? or short back & sides?
Millie: not buzzed
Millie: grown out a little
Millie: but PRESIDENTAL
April: i am living vicariously through your cock & balls right now
April: KNOW THAT