New Perspective On Shit

April: how about i like hot pockets
April: like genuinely
Millie: you know what dude?
Millie: i SWEAR to god i’m not being a snob here
Millie: i swear this to you
Millie: but i don’t really like frozen foods?
Millie: like as a genre?
April: right right
April: HAHAHAHA GENRE
Millie: i’m trying to think of exceptions
Millie: okay, i like trader joe’s mac and cheese
Millie: even though it’s ALL CHEESE
Millie: and can easily gross me out
Millie: but it’s usually good
April: right
Millie: otherwise?
April: i think it depends
April: like some shit is cool frozen
April: but OBVS i’m not trying to get, like, frozen surf & turf
Millie: i think frozen waffles are good
Millie: but those are industry standard
Millie: industry standard frozen food that everyone likes
April: HAHAHAHA
April: universally understood: frozen waffles are good
Millie: like i’d rather go to taco bell and have that shit made for me as opposed to frozen
Millie: maybe i just don’t have the patience
April: look, here’s something i realize: i have a very immature palate
April: like i DO like most food
April: most ALL food
April: i’ll go to wendy’s AND eat fancy surf & turf
Millie: well yeah, you don’t discriminate
Millie: a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed
April: but REALLY fancy shit? with crazy ingredients in tiny portions at restaurants that, like, ART GALLERY OWNERS eat at? not into it.
Millie: well yeah — like ARTSY looking food?
Millie: i mean, who has time for that shit
April: shit with like quail eggs and gold flakes and pate or whatever
April: also it’s like $1000 for two bites
Millie: yeah, i’m kind of a chicken-and-rice-in-a-bowl kinda person
Millie: my favorite food is SANDWICHES after all
April: sandwiches are epic
Millie: like remember those toaster strudels that came out?
Millie: i mean, i guess i’m in the middle between gold flake pate and toaster strudels
April: TOASTER STRUDELS ARE FUCKING DELICIOUS MAN
Millie: wait a sec, HERE MY BEEF with that
Millie: i can’t believe THEY make you put the icing on yourself
Millie: you have to ICE your own strudel
Millie: that shit is arrogant
April: HAHA I JUST SPIT VANILLA COKE ALL OVER MY KEYBOARD
April: but here’s MY thing:
April: i don’t see it as arrogant as much as i see it as “we want to make sure your shit is FRESH”
April: like FRESHLY ICED
April: like, “the yahoos at the pop tart factory pre-ice your shit, but it’s a HARD SHELL. we want yours to be SOFT AND FRESH”
April: and it’s a matter of control! YOU CONTROL THE ICING LEVEL!
Millie: well, i trust they have technology to make sure your pre-iced shit is FRESH
Millie: c’mon, we have CELL PHONES
Millie: they can’t make fresh icing?!
April: i don’t think so! not that type!
April: and again, YOU MAKE THE CALL
April: you make the icing call!
April: a little or a lot!
Millie: but see, if i’m making the icing call, i might as well bake the strudel myself
Millie: that’s all i’m saying
Millie: i GO FROZEN to take the guesswork out
Millie: that’s the point!
April: look, i love you, you’re my bff, but you ain’t gonna convince me that there’s a DAMN THING wrong with toaster strudel
Millie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Millie: “i love you buddy, but YA BLEW IT.”
April: HAHAHAHHAHAHA
Millie: my thing is that frozen food is for mofos on the go
Millie: that’s the point
Millie: i’m not trying to do any work
April: right
April: BUT
April: icing.
April: icing is never work.
April: in any situation.
Millie: like i almost call into question the fact that frozen waffles aren’t PRE-SYRUPED
Millie: like a mcgriddle
Millie: well that’s subjective though — you like to ice
Millie: that’s fact
Millie: whereas i find it tedious
Millie: i think it’s personality based
April: my only beef with toaster strudel
April: ONLY BEEF
April: and it’s TINY
April: is that they only come with one icing packet per strudel
Millie: EXACTLY. so what if you aren’t satisfied after that initial pack?
Millie: you have to dip into the other shit
April: i will give you that. but that’s all.
Millie: and then eventually you got strudels, no ice
Millie: total bullsh
April: well, it’s just an exercise in self-control for me.
April: i can’t waste the icing on the present strudel, because i have to keep in mind i’ll want it on a new one later
Millie: because see, what i’d do
Millie: i’d make the first three intital strudels the most ICED OUT JAMS ever
Millie: and then i’m fucking throwing away three
Millie: see, again, personality based
Millie: they have to know that
April: WHAT?! i’m saying, toaster strudels are even good WITHOUT ICING
April: UNPRECEDENTED
Millie: they have to know that not EVERYONE is gonna show restraint
Millie: IMPOSSIBLE
April: hahahaha “they should plan for emergencies”
Millie: wait a minute
April: we should be on the marketing board of everything, by the way
Millie: NO ICING, NO STRUDEL
April: people don’t really think through this kind of shit
Millie: seriously
April: could you IMAGINE if we got it so the big shots at the toaster strudel factory included extra icing packets?!
Millie: nobody is going UPSIDE the head when it comes to this shit
April: they would erect statues of us in every major city
Millie: you’ll notice i won’t have a toaster strudel in my hand though
April: uh, yes you would! a HEAVILY ICED one!
Millie: wait a second, let me explain
Millie: i’m talking about WHAT I’D DO if i ate them
Millie: i’m just saying that given the chance, that’s how i’d react
April: oh wait, you don’t want to have to ice yours AT ALL, regardless of the amount they provide?
Millie: the problem at hand is why i DON’T EAT THEM
Millie: it’s a matter of principle
Millie: exactly
April: you’re being kind of ridiculous.
April: WHAT DO YOU WANT, THE WORLD?!
Millie: what?! i’m being REAL
Millie: the inconvenience of icing that shit is why i don’t eat them
April: really?!
April: see, the FRESHNESS and the CONTROL of the icing is why i do!
Millie: and what i’d do if i HAD to is what further drives the nail
April: we’re at a stalemate.
Millie: it’s a cold war