New Perspective On Shit

April: YOU DERE?
Millie: yeah i’m here!
April: i was coming to tell you about how i think about the terribleness of platform flip-flops at least once a day.
Millie: HAHAHAHA
April: like, it weighs heavy on my mind
Millie: i’m really surprised that nobody thinks high-heeled tennis shoes are awful
April: i mean, they are
April: of course they are
April: but platform flip-flops are just an atrocity on another level for me
April: i feel like mary j. blige wore high-heeled sneakers once, so they get a pass
Millie: WHAT.
Millie: http://theshoegoddess.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/Ash—-shell-satin-high-heel-sneakers-130-shop.jpg
Millie: these are egregious !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April: platform flip-flops are an attempt to make the least glamorous thing ever into something glamorous
April: like, people wear flip-flops into nasty gym showers to not get athlete’s foot or whatever
April: and now you’re trying to make that footwear CUTE?
April: but please know that i think high-heeled sneakers are atrocious
Millie: okay, see here’s my thing —
Millie: sneakers are inherently the OPPOSITE of high heels
April: OBVS
Millie: and i think it’s fucked that you think you can have the best of both worlds
Millie: i mean, i’ve seen high heeled TEVAS recently
Millie: that is FUCKED!
April: but see, i think platform flip-flops are that attitude times a BILLION!
April: like taking THE MOST CASUAL NOT-AT-ALL-CARING-ABOUT-YOUR-APPEARANCE footwear and adding a PLATFORM?! Like you’re gonna wear those FLIP-FLOPS in the CLUB?!
April: i feel the same about, like, BEDAZZLED and SEQUINED flip-flops
Millie: but okay, if i was in a skanky-ass shower, i might actually WANT platform flip-flops
Millie: keeps me further from the bottom of a gross-ass public shower
April: HAHAHAHAHAHA
April: FUNCTION OVER FASHION
April: yeah, but they’re supposed to be platforms, not STITLS
Millie: it’s like, “okay, i can get these wet and i’m FAR AWAY from that skanky fuckin drain”
April: like, i’ve seen britney spears wearing PLATFORM WEDGE FLIP-FLOPS
April: THE MOST TERRIBLE FOOTWEAR EVER
Millie: i guess i just think high-heeled sneakers look STUPIDER
April: HAHAHAHAHAHHA
April: they’re definitely dumb as hell
April: of course
Millie: i mean look at this
http://media.kval.com/images/101202_hiking_shoes_405.jpg
Millie: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT
April: but i guess i also appreciate that i don’t have to see someone’s TOE RING with those
April: HOLY FUCK
April: HIGH-HEELED TEVAS.
April: WITH SOCKS TOO.
Millie: all i see is someone’s high maintenance tila tequila girlfriend going hiking with her woodsy boyfriend
April: i think you could get away with murder in a court of law if you killed someone wearing those.
April: i think the judge would be like, “i see where you were coming from.”
April: well, you know how i feel about bare feet
April: so i am biased
April: as FUCKING STUPID AND UGLY as high-heeled sneakers are, AT LEAST i am not seeing bare-ass feet and toe rings
Millie: well technically, you could rock a toe ring with teva high heels
April: yeah, i think FANCY TEVAS (!?!?!?!!!!!) are in the same category as platform flip-flops
Millie: with a tribal ankle tattoo, it would truly be the triumvirate of gross shit
April: but i am telling you right now, as God is my witness, not a day goes by that i don’t think for a minute about how much i hate platform flip-flops.
Millie: i believe you. i don’t know why i hate them less than high heel sneakers
Millie: i mean, both are terrible
Millie: but for some reason i think they’re worse
April: hahahaha, i love that we are at a stalemate with this
April: but i absolutely see where you’re coming from
Millie: maybe i’m just desensitized because of florida or something
April: HAHAHAHAHA
Millie: i’m still outraged though
April: yeah, i and i know my gross bare feet bias is getting the way
Millie: it’s like i see high-heeled sneakers and think of a redneck lady out on a date
April: HAHAHAHA
April: okay see, i think that about platform flip-flops!
Millie: HAHAHAHAHA
April: i see high-heeled sneakers and think mary j. blige
April: like “real love” video mary j. blige
Millie: okay, so both evoke images of redneck ladies out on dates
April: HAHAHAHAHAHA
April: both, to me, are a shitty idea of “fancy”
Millie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA okay
Millie: our podcast is called A Shitty Idea of Fancy
April: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
April: but you know! “i’ll stick a platform or heel on this everyday thing i already wear and BOOM! now it’s FANCY for DATE TIME!”
Millie: absolutely. see i believe in the separation of church and state
Millie: you have a fancy shoe and then a fuckaround shoe
April: YES!!!!!!!!!!!
Millie: “keep ‘em separated.” - the offspring
April: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
April: QUOTING THEM
April: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
April: “like the offspring once said, ‘keep ‘em separated.’“
Millie: robert frost, oscar wilde, the offspring, sylvia plath