New Perspective On Shit

April: oh hey, these people are cool: http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1631572/story.jhtml
Millie: i knew this was going to happen.
April: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
April: “i saw this coming.”
Millie: like, thanks for creating another WEIRD THING for people to be geeks about
April: dude, some of these CHAMPS are having “withdrawal symptoms.”
Millie: right?!
Millie: god, i couldn’t wait for it to be over when i saw it
Millie: i was like “god, can we go process the shit out of this movie now?”
April: i haven’t seen it
April: and don’t want to! seriously
Millie: well, i won’t ruin it for you
Millie: HAHAHA just kidding, how could i do that
April: i can’t even get past the PAPYRUS FONT on the poster
Millie: okay listen. i almost DIDN’T see it because of that fucking font alone
Millie: i have a problem with shitty fonts
April: dude, i have a BIG FUCKING PROBLEM with shitty fonts!
April: and chip was like, “yeah, it looks amazing, but the dialogue is from an episode of ‘scooby doo.’”
Millie: i mean, perhaps it was just such a spectacle that they FORGOT TO WRITE THE MOVIE
Millie: and then said to the actors, “just recite lines from the GI joe cartoon from the 80’s”
Millie: or whatever
April: i mean, you have 70 SQUILLION DOLLARS to spend on that shit and you can’t COMMISSION A FONT?!
April: you go PAPYRUS on that shit?!
Millie: right?!?! just put that shit in times new roman and call it a day then
Millie: i’ve been known to not go to places that have shitty fonts
April: right? even go ARIAL on it
Millie: like restaurants and such
April: UH DUDE
April: i will NOT PATRONIZE YOUR BUSINESS if you have comic sans ANYWHERE
April: HARD AND FAST RULE
Millie: HAHAHAHA a given
Millie: you look at that and go, “obviously, they can’t run a business”
April: HAHAHAHA basically!
April: “obviously their food will taste shitty.”
Millie: like whenever i see comic sans on some internet site to order stuff, i automatically think it’s a scam
April: HAHA ME TOO!!!!!
April: “they are clearly not serious about this.”
April: because that is the REASON COMIC SANS EXISTS!
April: so the NUTTY LADY in HR can show you how WACKY she is!
April: that she likes to MESS AROUND!
Millie: i mean, you will be poisoned in a restaurant that uses comic sans
Millie: let’s just get it straight
April: if they are that lazy about their signage, they are that lazy about their food preparation
April: that is so fucking BUSH LEAGUE
Millie: there’s a coffee place around here that uses papyrus and i cringe every time i drive by
Millie: because i see papyrus and think “FAKE SPA/RELAXATION PLACE”
April: at least go HELVETICA, man
April: the old standby
Millie: it’s an old chestnut
April: tried and true
Millie: respectable
April: papyrus is TOTALLY fake spa
April: and the track list font for SPA RELAXATION CDS
April: like “sounds of the woods” or whatever
Millie: i look at that coffee shop and think they serve sanka in paper cups
April: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Millie: that’s how JV that looks
April: fucking EXACTLY!!!!!!!!
Millie: like your mom and aunt started a coffee shop
April: totally.
April: and if a restaurant has comic sans signage i just think they are too busy being WACKY to clean the place
April: like i automatically think it’s dirty inside
Millie: comic sans is just SCAMMY
Millie: it’s the font of GRIFTERS
April: SCAMMY FLAMMY MAMMIES
Millie: and TRICKERY
Millie: and NIGERIAN PRINCES
April: HAHA IT IS!
April: it just screams, “I DO NOT TAKE THIS BUSINESS SERIOUSLY AND IT IS NOT REALLY REAL”
Millie: at this point, if you don’t know that AND are trying to run a business, get out
April: but aren’t the SUBTITLES in “avatar” also in PAPYRUS?
April: that is fucking shocking
Millie: i can’t remember actually
Millie: i’m sure they were
Millie: to further drive you in that WORLD
Millie: that world that apparently people want to live in
Millie: people who have COMPLETELY LOST TOUCH WITH REALITY
April: yeah, i don’t know if i will ever see it
April: you already know how i feel about aliens & sci-fi
April: i got enough shit to deal with on this planet
Millie: HAHAHA, yeah there’s no way you’d be into it
Millie: i mean, i went to rubberneck obviously
Millie: i paid $17 to rubberneck
April: hahahaha
April: well, david insists i should see it for the FX
April: but i’m kind of not bothered
Millie: yeah, that’s why i went
April: there’s no way it’s cooler than max headroom
Millie: but then it was like, “yeah that world doesn’t really appeal to me”
April: i’m not even that into REAL NATURE, much less fake nature
Millie: i like nature but i’m not into riding triceratopses
Millie: i mean, i’m realistic
April: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Millie: it’s too MAGICAL and WHIMSICAL for me i think
April: exactly!!!!
Millie: i think i needed a little more “blade runner”
Millie: hahaha
April: HAHAHAHAHA
April: i feel like “avatar” comes close to, like, FAERIE TERRITORY
April: like that kind of shit
April: am i wrong?
Millie: oh, it absolutely does
Millie: listen
Millie: i guarantee there’s going to be like 3,000 girls at dragon con this year trying to look like that “chick”
April: i feel like there’s a lot of “avatar”/ren fest crossover
Millie: look, let’s get serious
Millie: we are not fantasy people.
April: oh yeah, not at all.
Millie: to be one, you have to be into whimsy and dreams
April: are we hardened bitches with hearts of black coal?
April: because i have just never been into that stuff!
Millie: yeah, i guess i read “flowers in the attic” too early in life
April: hahahaha
Millie: i was handed fucked up reality at an early age
Millie: no time for magical unicorns
Millie: hahaha
April: hahahaha “no time”
April: yeah, like i had a lisa frank trapper keeper with a unicorn on it in like fourth grade, but that’s as far as that went
Millie: yeah, i think i was always groomed to be a 40-year-old woman
Millie: like i was reading drugstore romance novels at 8 years old
April: HAHAHAHAHA RIGHT?
Millie: and watching rod stewart videos on MTV
Millie: i was robbed of my youth!
April: TOTALLY.
Millie: well, i was robbed of WHIMSY i guess
April: i was watching the video for “love in an elevator” instead of wishing for a pony
Millie: i seriously think the tipping point was watching “a clockwork orange” when i was 8 
Millie: there was no going back after that
April: HAHHAHAHA DUDE!
April: i accidentally saw that when i was little, too!
April: like on HBO at my grandparents’ house
Millie: well, think of it like this: watching “a clockwork orange” at a young age prevented us from dressing like stormtroopers
April: then everything happened as it should have.
April: i also weirdly saw a lot of stephen king movies when i was little, because my uncle was into him
April: which is probably why i’m the biggest wuss ever now
Millie: steven king completely fucked up everyone our age
April: like i remember seeing “christine” and “cujo” when i was super young
Millie: i would have serious nightmares about “pet semetary”
April: dude, i can’t believe i love dogs as much as i do, because “cujo” FUCKED MY SHIT UP
April: i saw it when i was, like, FIVE!
April: my uncle was watching it at my grandparents’ house and no one made me leave the room! bad parenting right there
Millie: oh yeah, totally
Millie: i think about all the INSANE shit i saw ALONE with my other 8-YEAR-OLD FRIENDS
April: oh totally
Millie: that’s what happens when everyone’s dad is in the navy and gets sent away for months at a time
Millie: NO RULES!
Millie: hahaha
April: listen, when my grandparents went to bed — you know, at like 5 pm — it was HBO FEST up in there
Millie: yeah, 10:00 PM when it was BOOB and BUTT HOUR
April: BASICALLY.
April: like i saw those “real sex” jams pretty EARLY ON
April: haha, man, i can’t believe we aren’t total weirdo animal-torturing serial killers in trenchcoats
Millie: i think it’s because we didn’t huff
Millie: hahahaha
April: HAHAHAHAHA “HUFF”