New Perspective On Shit

April: i don’t know why i’m still kinda feelin’ jack white, because he gets more vampire-y every day
Millie: dude, nothing beats that fucking COLD MOUNTAIN hair he had
April: HAHAHAHAHAHA
April: Cold Mountain Hair
Millie: dude, jack white is like 4,994 feet tall right?
Millie: that’s why.
April: i think so. and you know how we feel about that.
Millie: i mean, that’s the reason why i like the dude from queens of the stone age
Millie: he’s a rocker craig kilborn
April: OH DAMN
Millie: 97 feet tall
April: OH DAMNNNNNN
April: I WOULD HIT THAT FOR DAYS
April: I LOVE THAT BEEFY-ASS DUDE
April: JOSH HOMINA HOMINA
Millie: fucking HOTTEST DUDE EVER?
Millie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, HOMINA HOMINA
April: GOD YEAH
Millie: i’m glad you figured out how to spell that
April: you know that dude would, like, THROW YOU AROUND in bed
April: i seriously LOVE that guy!
Millie: okay, josh homme would totally pick you up and throw you across the room.
April: I KNOW AND I LOVE THAT
Millie: he wouldn’t quite bash your skull into the headboard, a la danzig
April: he is a total GIANT, BEEFY, GINGE CRAIG KILBORN
Millie: i mean, he’s more playful and wouldn’t KILL YOU
Millie: okay, i need to peep pics of him right now
April: UH YES
Millie: to remind myself of the fineness
April: and, you know, he’s not my usual type or whatever
April: i mean, he rocks denim muscle tees or whatever
April: but i am FEELING HIM
April: he is just SUCH A DUDE
Millie: LOOK HOW TALL HE IS: http://img407.imageshack.us/img407/1802/bust2003yx7.jpg
April: MAN’S MAN
April: GOD YES
Millie: okay, this is the greatest picture i’ve ever seen: http://i.realone.com/assets/rn/img/5/3/3/6/16386335-16386338-slarge.jpg
April: YOUR TWO FAVE TASTES COMING TOGETHER
Millie: HAHAHAHA
Millie: bourdain! his ass is in a christmas sweater!
April: GOD, i want josh homme to COME TO MY WINDOW, melissa etheridge steez
Millie: HAHAHAHA
April: i swear i recently tried to tell someone about my boner for him and they thought it was crazy
April: maybe it was chip?
Millie: chip is a FOOL!
April: i was just like, “look, i know he’s probably smelly or something, but WHATEVER. he is TALL AND BEEFY and i am INTO IT.”
Millie: how could you not want this candy rain?! http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/2008/06/16-22/queens_of_the_stone_age_josh_homme.jpg
April: UH FUCK YEAH
April: and see, if ANY OTHER DUDE was dressing like that, and had a CHAIN WALLET, i’d be like, “OH HELL NAW”
April: but it’s okay if he does it
Millie: yes! i mean, he’s so a MASQUERADE guy but i don’t care
April: WHAT’S UP NOW: http://www.zmemusic.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/josh_homme.jpg
Millie: OKAY, LET’S DO IT.
April: TAG TEAM BACK AGAIN
Millie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
April: i will share him with you
Millie: CHECK IT AND WRECK IT AND LET’S BEGIN.
Millie: DON’T MIND IF I DO
April: hahahahahahaha
April: DON’T MIND IF I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Millie: god you could spend all day crawling all over that huge ass lumberjack
April: YES YES YES
April: EXACTZ
Millie: he needs his own firefighters’ calendar
April: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
April: HUNKY FIREMEN
Millie: so we can hang it up in our office and call each other about it
April: totally
Millie: i need him naked on a bearskin rug
April: HAHAHAHAHA total burt reynolds style
April: looking at him i can tell he is smelly and greasy, but for some reason with him i would let that shit slide
Millie: hahahaha, greasy for sure
Millie: i’m hoping not smelly
April: come on, you know it looks like he smells
Millie: you’re probably right
April: he’s such a giant! and, like, stocky. i love stocky dudes.
April: well, within reason - i don’t want them to be equally as wide as they are tall, haha
Millie: although i hope he cleans up after work, like real lumberjacks do
Millie: god, me too. giant, stocky, meaty dudes
April: hahahahaha, this conversation is so “sex and the city”
Millie: we’re such assholes
Millie: we’re officially in our 30s
Millie: MEN MEN MEN MEN
April: seriously. i’m embarrassed.
Millie: yeah, the level of CAPS going on means we’re serious
April: but i SWEAR, i’ve tried to tell only a couple people about my boner for this guy and they were both like “WHAT? WEIRDO!”
Millie: who are these people?! they are fucking MISTAKEN
April: people who like pussy dudes, i’m sure
Millie: what is wrong with some folks
April: RIGHT? how do you NOT want to get with this giant mouth-breathing hesher? http://www.entertainmentwise.com/photos/Image/Joshhomme200.jpg
Millie: god, that’s like a basketball and a wrestling coach rolled into one
April: HAHA
April: HELLO LOVER: http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/image-library/port/376/j/josh-homme-awi.jpg
Millie: GIANT MOUTHBREATHING HESHER.
Millie: okay, that’s it. that’s going everywhere.
April: hahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha
Millie: OH MY GOD
Millie: he’s a fucking BEAST!
April: EXACTLY
April: HAHAHAHAHHA “BEAST”
Millie: god, total STONE AGE
April: APTLY NAMED
Millie: no kidding!
Millie: god i love the shit out of him
Millie: they should put him on the paper towels
Millie: i’d totally move into a cabin in the mountains and watch him chop firewood all day
April: HAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAA
April: “watch him chop firewood all day”
April: yeah, they don’t make ‘em like that anymore
Millie: haha like that ron burgundy quote, “a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn” or whatever he says
April: hahahaha
April: seriously, he’s just such a duuuuuuuuuuuude
Millie: god i love it. i get so pissed that we’re surrounded by THE OPPOSITE OF THAT GUY, every day of our lives
April: I KNOW
April: LESS INDIE DUDES IN ‘10
April: if josh homme wore a suit, my fucking loins would explode
Millie: BONER EXPLOSION
April: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnyRUzgqj7k
Millie: UGH, WHY DID YOU SEND ME PORN AT WORK.
April: HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA
Millie: i fucking LOVE this song, by the way.
April: ME TOO
Millie: i used to play it every day on the first guitar hero game, haha
April: dude, i feel SO RELIEVED that you love this guy too
April: like i have had a sort of secret boner for him FOREVER
Millie: dude, secret is out.
Millie: FACE FACTS.
April: HAHA
Millie: god, i can’t deal with the fineness.
April: serious.
Millie: i mean, he’s a guy who would totally work at junkman’s daughter or something, but i don’t care.
Millie: he’s such a little five points dude
April: EXACTLY
April: like, on the surface, he’s lame
April: BUT FINE AS HELL
Millie: GOD I CAN’T HANDLE THE FACE CLOSE UPS.
April: but you can also tell he DOESN’T GIVE A FUC
April: which is appealing
April: er, FUCK
April: hahahhaa
April: FUQ
Millie: FUX
Millie: he needs to stop being a sexy giant
April: HE DON’T GIVE A FUX
April: SEXY GIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!
April: haha, i NEVER use the word “sexy,” but it’s applicable here
Millie: oh i know, i NEVER use “sexy” but it’s the only word that describes this dude
Millie: i mean, he ain’t “cute,” that’s for sure
April: totally
April: because it’s not like “oh, he looks smart”
Millie: i mean, you want see his boner every day.
Millie: that’s more than “cute”
April: exactly. you only really want dick from this guy.
April: it’s not like he’s gonna read you raymond carver stories or something while you cuddle
Millie: hahahahaha
Millie: exactly
April: HAHAHAHAHA “you want to see his boner like ERRRY DAY”
Millie: have you seen eagles of death metal?
April: naw
Millie: okay, talk about HESHERS
April: haha yeah, i know some peeps really into them
Millie: ladies and gentlemen, meet THE NEW .38 SPECIAL:
Millie: http://vox2.cdn.amiestreet.com/band-picture/Eagles-of-Death-Metal_34327_full.jpg
April: HAHAHAHAHA
April: HANG ON LOOSELY, Y’ALL!
Millie: i think josh homme started growing his hair out for that band and i was like “NO!!!!!!!!!!!!”
April: OH NAW
April: does he have long hair now?!
Millie: i think he cut it - I HOPE HE CUT IT
April: we need to hold him down and take a flowbee to his dome
Millie: like this ain’t gonna fly: http://assets.mog.com/pictures/wikipedia/1260295/EaglesOfDeathMetal.jpg
April: AW NAW HELL NAW
April: that is LADY HAIR
Millie: okay, you ain’t ready: http://blurt.publr.net/HoSHDkEIYwoy_m.jpg
April: OH DAMN
Millie: http://www.100xr.com/100_XR/Artists/E/Eagles_Of_Death_Metal/Eagles.Of.Death.Metal-band-2006.jpg
April: okay, i’m BACK ON BOARD
Millie: HAHAHAHAHA
Millie: back on the right track!
April: HOLY FUCKING SHIT, dude is kind of like GINGER ELVIS in those!
Millie: I KNOW!
April: EYES ON THE PRIZE
Millie: GINGER ELVIS!!!
Millie: hahah, i’m reading their wikipedia page: Despite the name, Eagles of Death Metal is not a death metal band. Hughes in an interview with a Polish rock magazine Teraz Rock told the story of the band’s name. He said that his friend, Lou, was trying to make Josh Homme like death metal. When he played Vader, Homme called them “The Eagles of death metal.”
April: HAHAHAHA
Millie: hahahahahah that’s something we would say
April: WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER
April: IF ONLY FOR ONE NIGHT