New Perspective On Shit

April: OH! you know what i heard the other day for the first time in a million years? that fucking clay aiken “invisible” song
April: aka MOST RAPIST ANTHEM EVER
Millie: wait, i don’t remember that one! let me look it up
April: i really forgot how FUCKING CREEPY the lyrics are!
Millie: oh YEAH!!!
Millie: HAHAHAHAHA
Millie: all these people on the street are like “alright!”
Millie: “i would just watch YOU in your room, whoo hoo!”
April: IF I WAS INVISIBLE I COULD JUST WATCH YOU IN YOUR ROOM
April: that is INSANE
Millie: HAHAHAHA
Millie: wait, what’s the other big rape anthem
Millie: we talk about it a lot
April: HAHAHAHHAA
April: jordan knight “give it to you”?
Millie: SHIT! that’s right. how did i forget?
Millie: aaaand, i’m going to watch that video 39 times
April: hahahaha of course
April: i feel bad thinking jordan’s is such a jam because it really is so overtly rape-y
April: but i think the clay aiks is MORE rapey!
April: like it really spells it out
Millie: hahahaha
April: “my goal in life is to be invisible so i can follow/watch you at all times”
April: PSYCHOS SAY THAT
Millie: clay aiken is like THIS IS HAPPENING
Millie: whereas jordan knight is less obvs
April: i’m going to actually peep the clay aiks shit, hold up
April: oh my GOD this guy is so gross
April: UGH HIS VOICE
Millie: yeah and dudes want to BE him
April: this song is MAD CORNY
April: like a CORNY RAPE ANTHEM
April: i can’t believe they gave this butt-ass song a “where the streets have no name”-type video
April: like people CLAMORING on the streets to see his lame ass play
April: i love the idea of people bailing out of work and saying, “fuck you, boss! i’m going to see clay aiken play in the street right now!”
Millie: HAHAHAHAHA
Millie: “go ahead, this is important.”
April: hahahaha
Millie: yeah, this song is a call to arms
Millie: people are like FUCK, WE GOTTA GO OUTSIDE
April: LOOK AT HIS LATEST ALBUM!
April: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Clay-aiken-tried-and-true-cover-art.jpg
April: he looks like pete campbell!
Millie: OH MY GOD!
Millie: he totally does!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April: total creepy slickster!
Millie: god he is THEE GAYEST
Millie: gets NO gayer
April: right?! i used to LOVE reading clay aiken fan sites with obsessed girls talking about him
April: i remember seeing a girl with a homemade shirt that said CLAY AIKEN SHAKES MY OVARIES A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS
April: that image has stuck with me
Millie: LOLOL OHKAY!!!!
Millie: that is disturbing!
April: it was PUFFY PAINT and shit
Millie: we shoulda shown up w/ t-shirts that were like “Actually, He Hates Ovaries”
April: http://fastcache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/1/2008/05/aiken-ovaries.jpg
Millie: is that someone’s MOM?
Millie: how depressing
April: hahaha PROBABLY
April: when he was famous, i was obsessed for a minute with clueless southern moms who wanted to DO him
April: reading shit they wrote about him on the internet
Millie: HAHAHA god of course - it’s the creepiest subculture EVER
April: i still just can’t believe that “if i was invisible, i would just watch you in your room” is the chorus to pop song
April: that is seriously like someone in the charts singing, “if i was invisible, i would just follow you into a dark alley” or something
April: from his wikipedia: “No one is quite sure where the term “Claymates” originated, but Aiken has trademarked the term.”
April: “Aiken talked with Jann Carl of Entertainment Tonight about the names various sub-groups have given themselves: “Claysians” (Asian fans), “Claynadians” (Canadian fans), “Clayropeans” (European fans) and “Claydawgs” (male fans).”
April: CLAYSIANS
April: also CLAYROPEANS is a stretch. come on.
Millie: I AM NOT A CLAYSIAN
Millie: HAHAHAHA clayropeans
Millie: that is a fucking stretch
Millie: CLOUTH CLAYERMICANS
Millie: CLAFRICANS
April: yeah, they are really reaching
April: CLAYXICANS
Millie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Millie: CLAYMISH
Millie: (that’s supposed to be amish clay aiken fans)
April: hahahahaha
April: it is SO WEIRD to me! everything about this song!
April: “why can’t i breathe you into my life” is a lyric
April: serial killers love this jam
April: OH MY GOD WATCH THIS http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYEK9pVJcjo&NR=1
April: NICE LOOK
April: WHAT IS THAT HAIR
Millie: OKAY.
Millie: he looks crazy.
Millie: straight up crazy.
April: pretty sure he’s wearing eyeshadow too
Millie: that sweater is a mom’s sweater from like, the express
April: hahahaha i was just about to say that! WORKING WOMAN’S SWEATER
Millie: HE LOOKS NUTS!
April: i cannot believe the hair
April: he belongs on the target=“_blank”>meg ryan site
April: also, only 900 people have watched this
April: FALLING OFF
April: UGH GROSS
April: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKqnXzYPU-E&NR=1&feature=fvwp
Millie: HE IS SO UNBELIEVABLY GROSS
Millie: and TRIES TO GIVE A SEXY LOOK
April: FOR SERIOUS
April: HAHAHAHA YES!
April: KING OF SLIMY
Millie: isn’t that the ORIGIN of the “sexy look”? like when we first came up with it
April: hahaha, naw
April: it was the FREE CREDIT REPORT BAND GUY
April: you were like, “he tries to give a sexy look”
Millie: HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA
Millie: YES FOREVER
Millie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
April: i can’t believe how clay transformed into slimy pete campbell
April: he’s also secretly fat
April: you know he’s got a dumpy butt
Millie: GOD and he sings like shit!
April: it sounds like a little kid singing!
Millie: i hate how he’s like trying this RING A DING DING persona
April: like when a kid sings well for a kid, and you’re like, WOW! GOOD JOB!, but it’s only a good job for a 5-year-old
Millie: “let’s put this retro telephone in front of him”
April: i can’t believe i have watched more clay aiken footage this morning than i have in the whole of my life
Millie: HAHAHAHAHA me too!
April: keep this in mind: MANY WOMEN WANTED TO DO HIM
April: like, even if you thought he was “cute,” there is still something so aggressively NOT SEXUAL about him
April: like he’s got a ken doll crotch